May was good to me. Celebrating my Mom, celebrating us, flowering for friends, flowering for florists whose work I have admired from afar, and meeting new couples. Entering into last week was particularly good. You know that spike you get mid-morning after a having a cup of coffee? That was me but from Friday until Tuesday morning when my Mom called at a time that she never does which means the news was not good.
The day before, Z and I spent the Memorial Day afternoon with his Tia and Tio, their sons and their families. Z’s little cousin walked in the family room, she cheerfully said “hi” and gave me a hug then with some reluctance did the same for Z. She is kind of irrationally scared of him. I remember that feeling. I once had that for the relative at the center of my Mother’s news. He and my Aunt were married for 56 years. They eloped. He served in Korea. They had two children that as a kid I mistook for years as my aunt and uncle due to the 20+ age difference and 5 grandchildren who were closer to my age.
I look back on those memories of me being irrationally scared of him. He didn’t bite, he wasn’t mean to me and he never responded with annoyance to my fear. Just a “Really? Ok,” look on his face. With 31 knocking on my door (hardly a big number), I don’t fear getting older, I fear losing more of my family. You have no idea how terribly sentimental I am.
That is a strange thing I have especially since I work with a product that is already dying. I actually used to get attached to flowers in a particular stage which was silly. Over time I learned to change that feeling, or I should say, accept this fact.
It's a process but I'm doing the same in other areas too.